For some reason, cleaning my backside seems to occupy a large part of my day. It was 3pm and I was putting the final shine to the butt, when Grumpy walked in the front door with a smile on his face and a plaster on his finger.

I sat him down with a nice cup of tea and asked him what was going on ?

It transpired he had left early in the morning taking care not to wake Mrs Grumpy and had arrived at Gorleston at about 9am with the Jimmy. Well actually they arrived twice, because they had to go back to the sweet shop so The Jimmy could buy them some sweeties and bottles of pop.

They unloaded the boats on the road as his 4x4 thingy is too high to go under the car park barrier and as you would expect from a couple of pensioners they creaked about getting ready and eventually had the Kayaks on the shore line and took a few minutes to recover from the exertion.

The highlight of the launch seemed to be the number of small flies on the boats and much discussion was had as to what they were and whether they should take photos to record the event. Apparently Kayakers get quite excited about this kind of thing and like to make 20 minute videos of flies and other crap to put on forums.

I would say at this point that they both intended having a recreational paddle and for this reason Grumpy had only packed one small rod and they were both mentally prepared for endurance paddling rather than any serious fishing. This might explain what follows.

They paddled out to the White Swan, which is the third old wreck in this saga (Saga - get it ? damn we cats are sharp) to be greeted by lots of buoys and pieces of rope, something called a commercial had laid out there. Once clear of them they started what they thought would be a quick fish followed by that paddle.

Grumpy drops his new 100 gram "muppet" lure attached to four mackerel feathers. This didn't have time to hit the bottom when the rod went wild and two nice schoolie bass had hooked themselves - Yum Yum Unfortunately one came off near the surface and the other was returned after David Bailey done his bit.



So the recreational paddle was abandoned after the sonar was showing more fish than chavs at a Katie Price book signing. They then spent four hours running up and down in the current throwing lures and feathers about in what was a Bass feeding frenzy.

They both lost three fish each on the retrieve and The Jimmy managed to hold onto a nice brace.



Grumpy very nearly had his first heart attack when after 30 minutes of inactivity his 1.3 metre rod bent into a "C" and he struggled to pull in what he thought was a snag. A bass of about 4 to 5 pound had taken his plug and a pouting had taken the jelly. The pouting slipped free near the surface and Grumpys best Bass ever was on his lap.

It was at this point that the lack of planning paid off. With the forceps in the stowage area and no glove, Grumpy was trying to free a large and strong bass from the lure with his hands. Result - one treble hook deeply planted in his birdy finger and one pissed off Bass, so pleased with that result, it leapt back into the sea waving a fin as it went.

Luckily the Jimmy is used to dealing with such life threatening injuries from his time in the battlefield. He deftly removed the hook and snatched Grumpys life from the jaws of death.

The last hour went quiet as the sun went in and the numbers of fish dropped markedly. So the old boys headed back to shore with a smile on their faces and Jimmy with his tea for the evening. And where was my Bass - that's right still at sea - AGAIN !





So the old dears dragged the boats back to the car park and loaded up ready to go home and find Grumpy the largest and most dramatic plaster they could to dress his wounds.

Ready to drive off, a cry of "Oh Fuck" was heard around Gorleston as The Jimmy realised he wasn't going to get out under the barrier with the Kayaks on the roof, that they had spent so much time loading on. An hilarious end to a great days fishing.

Grumpy recently received a call from Lugs Drowning asking if he wanted to fish Breydon Water in the early morning. God knows Grumpy needs beauty sleep and so it was some surprise that he agreed to be up and ready to leave the house at 7-30. To do this he needed to be up at 6-00 - snigger !

Now somebody should tell Lugs Drowning that a trip out with Grumpy will either end in disaster or a blank. In this case - both.

Having sent a couple of texts to confirm the session, Grumpy got a text from Drowning Lugs to say he would be there at 8-30 as he'd got the tide times wrong. Well he wasn't , as he got snarled up in an accident tail back on the A47 resulting in him arriving at 9-30. By the time they had a bowl of tea it was nearer ten when they left - so much for 7-30 , what a couple of losers !

Well they eventually arrived and started fishing for Bass at the wrong spot and after a call from a Scotsman, Scotty or something they moved up to deeper water. The Scotsman came along later incidentally , as he'd heard that there was some quality entertainment to be had down by the river.

Grumpy had bought a new Lurid in Norway and it didn't take long for him get a tangle and watch this Norwegian lurid go flying off into the distance. So a new lurid was tied on and this shot off into the distance about ten minutes later.

In the meantime Drowning Lugs had discovered his end rod ring had broken resulting in his line catching continually. Fed up with the hassle he packed up to watch Grumpy trying to catch flounder. After losing two lurids he had given up on Bass and thought he'd change tactics.

Well the session resulted in one half decent bite and the loss of a fish on the way in and that was it. Quite amazingly nothing eventful happened on the way home , I'm reckoning Drowning Lugs may think twice before crewing up with Grumpy again !

George

Mr and Mrs Grumpy have just brought me and Lexie back from Timbers Cattery , where we stayed for a week while they went to a place called Norway.

Norway is apparently an island off the Scottish coast.
Timbers is a luxury health farm for felines in a country called Long Stratton.





Let me describe the past week for Lexie and I and the past week for the Grumpies.

We took our own beds and toys and had indoor toilets , that's right en-suite toilets , no popping over the fence to our neighbours garden. Every morning and evening our rooms were checked by the maids and our food was brought personally to us. The company was rather good with many other residents to chat to and the views of the garden were spectacular.

The grumpies had to catch two planes to get to the Norway and once there had a four hour drive to get to their hotel. We had a 15 minute drive. They also had their own room but had a drab view of a hotel wall. They were forced by something called a tour guide to get on buses , ferries and trains and were punished by the tour guide for their bad behaviour by having to share their feeding area place with Japanese tourists.

They were moaning about how tired they were when they got back , where my wife and I had a very relaxing time and just slipped back into our daily routine with no issues.

I can thoroughly recommend Timbers Hotel and hope to return there for a few days in September. I'm not passing judgement but I know who had the best holiday ! (snigger)

George

How was my day ? well thanks for asking and this was my day yesterday.

I got in last night about 2am having had a good nights prowling. I woke up at six with an empty belly and felt I should share this information with Grumpy. After two minutes of serious head butting the old git crawled out of the bed and fed my wife and I and then made himself a cup of tea. I popped out for my toilet break and came back in and planted myself on the settee next to him. It's so easy to mess with his head, one of my cute wide eye looks and he completely forgot his alarm call.

My missus, Lexie, came in the room, so just for sport and to let her know just who the Alpha male is I pounced on her from the settee. This was enough to make Grumpy forget about my cute look and he stomped out of the room muttering something about odd jobs. I assumed my position in the sunny spot of the patio and watched Grumpy wandering around randomly trying to look busy.

He got to the point where he was going to clean the boat and decided the better option would be to take it back to sea for a rinse. So after a trip to the bait compartment of the freezer (he still hasn't noticed those two mackerel have disappeared !) he set out for Bacton.

It was a this point dear reader, that I gave up and succumbed to the sunlight and slept until 9pm when his nibs arrived back home. I tried to put on my interested face, which I must say isn't as effective as the wide eyed face, and listened to his fishy tale.

He arrived to cloudy skies and a bit of a breeze and dragged the Kayak down the boat ramp to the shoreline. I think he likes boat ramps as he feels like a proper boat owner going down one ! It was here he found the fishfinder wasn't working and he had to use West Runton tactics and head for the nearest lobster pot to clip onto and hope that it was a fertile sea bed. YAWN , Paw over Mouth - he lost me round about here ! The launch was watched by a crowd of tourists who were clearly having a very dull holiday if they felt the need to watch the old fool taking to sea.

So forcing one eye to stay open while the brain went to sleep I continued to appear to be listening.

It was by all accounts boring , very boring. One rattle on the line and that was the action for the day - well maybe apart from a brief photo shoot of the gas terminal (below) and a porpoise dancing around him for half an hour.

About 6-30 Grumpy decided he'd had enough and considered heading back. Only problem was the sea at high tide was hitting the concrete wall and he was having trouble spotting any part of the beach to land on. So he had to sit it out until 7-30 when he hoped the tide may have backed off enough for a landing. Well it didn't and his ageing bladder was full so he attempted a new trick and went for a landing straight onto the boat ramp. Amazingly his tactic of coming in gently and jumping out before the boat grounded actually worked !

Chatting to a shore angler on return it would appear that area hasn't been fishing at all for a fortnight - shame he found that out afterwards - snigger !

Luckily there was still an ample portion of whiting in the fridge so I can manage a chuckle without the irritation of no fish for tea !

George

Grumpy's jinx has been transferred !

The Jimmy and Grumpy decided on an afternoon trip and Grumpy was unsure where to go as his recent choices have all resulted in blanks. So The Jimmy decided Hopton would be a good idea following reports of fish being caught there.

Amazingly they arrived at the beach road to find nobody parked there which in the summer was quite a surprise and the beach itself was clear. So delighted with this result they launched into a flat sea with no breakers to talk of.

They paddled out looking for features and anchored up over 25 foot of water. Well Grumpy did ! as The Jimmy had left his anchor line in the van they decided to clip his boat onto Grumpys. Again surprisingly Grumpy hadn't forgotten anything.

A couple of hours passed and they both had lots of rod taps but nothing being hooked. Then Grumpy had the shock of his life to find a nice Whiting coming in and this was followed by three more whiting. Two were of size so they came home for my tea.

Sadly The Jimmy , despite having many taps , didn't hook into anything , so they concluded there were a lot of small fish picking away at the bait.

So dear readers , we must conclude that you should leave Grumpy to make the decisions otherwise his curse will be transferred to you.

No grumbles from this cat as those Whiting tasted real good !

Grumpy has another new friend, called "The Bill" and they met up at Oulton Broad this morning at 8 to try and catch pikeys. These I think are fish, although I have heard the name used to refer to people who live in the Fens. If he was after these people I think he may have needed a slightly larger rod than the small one he took with him. Anyway it doesn't really matter as he blanked yet again ! The trend continues.

The Bill should have realised that fishing with grumpy is a daft thing to do as his angling curse extends to anybody fishing within a mile radius of him. This was borne out by the two anglers fishing the shore at the broad who also blanked. I think a public announcement is in order really for whenever he plans his trips - maybe Look East could post a newsflash the night before he goes out.

The launch was a breeze as they had a nice concrete slip to use to get them in the water and they spent three hours paddling around the broad scaring off tourists, or Pugwashes as he refers to them. Apparently the highlight of the morning was admiring a large heron going about it's business - that will give you an idea of how productive their trip was.

You may have noticed the lack of sarcasm in this post , which is down to the fact he brought three bunny rabbits home the other night, so me and the missus are set up for a decent meal for the next few nights.

Tomorrow he's doing a presentation on Kayak fishing at a meeting of sea anglers in Honingham. Why oh why did they pick him to do this ? Does anybody else out there appreciate the irony in that ? ! ! !





The Bill in this picture was doing an admirable job of catching butterflies !