The female has gone to a health farm , not really sure what sort of animal they breed there , but she was getting quite excited about it. So the male is on his own for a few days and has been plotting all sorts of self indulgent crap , but at least this afternoon was a fishing trip , with the promise of fish for my supper.

Off he went , without his plastic boat this time , rods in hand and a pathetic little spring in his step.

He got there to be greeted by a cold breeze and grey sky and set up next to some other idiots - sorry anglers. Apparently it was dead , no bites and really quite boring. He stuck it out until 6-30 and came home with one large dab that he caught around about 6.

I answered the door with my best grumpy face as the old fool hadn't left any food in our bowls. So his immediate task was to cook himself a curry and get that ruddy fish in the oven.

Well I have to say , it was worth the wait , he may not have brought quantity but the quality was top shelf.

This is George signing off now , I'm off to lick my butt for a few minutes and then go out on the prowl. Thanks for looking in and come back soon.

George

I am delighted to announce that I have just started acting classes. If I can draw in some extra money into this household then the quality of my food might improve.

Our first lesson was method acting and I've been working on the dead cat role for the last 2 hours. Firstly a claw to the back of the throat to stimulate a dying cats cough and then 2 hours motionless on my back - I'm such a pro !

The last week or two has been difficult for the humans, what with these things called "Christmas" and "New Year". He's been moaning yet again about the weather and not getting out and she's been moaning about him getting under her feet. So it was with some relief for me that the old git left at 6-30 this morning to try and catch my tea.

He met up with something called a "Pinkfoot" which turned out to be a human male named "Carl" and they paddled together from Gorleston pier up to Hopton. Apparently it was a bit embarrasing as this Pinkfoot human set a bit of a pace and old git was huffing and puffing trying to keep up !

They anchored a few hundred yards from some other Kayaking types one of whom had travelled from Wales , there's no way you'd find a cat travelling 300 miles to catch a fish. A cat would go to a ruddy fishmonger first.

For a couple of hours there were no fish around and he was chucking in one piece of squid after another and it was only when the tide turned and started to ebb that the whiting started to bite. He had three sad little specimens and one nice chunky chappy for my tea.

The strangeness of this was, the fish was alive when it arrived home. So he stuck it in the sink with some salty water and we both watched it swimming around. I tried to persuade him to let me have sushi as it's a bit of a happening meal in the feline world , but he mumbled something about parasites and cooked it for me. Bastard !

He then spent the next three hours thawing out his feet and drinking hot tea, before falling asleep on the settee. Bless.....

Old grumpy was getting excited this morning, he was off to Gorleston to meet somebody called Jimmy who was born in the same country as Mrs Grumpy , some place called Scotland - I think it's near Kings Lynn.

Off he went with his new trailer board fitted to the Kayak and arrived at Gorleston to a calm sea and a slight wind. He'd got there a bit early as there was little traffic. But by the time his friend arrived the wind was up and the sea state was getting rough. So like a couple of pussies they bottled it and headed back home. They arrived at Bramerton about midday and paddled up to Surlingham and gorged themselves on Jacket Potatoes and Coffee. Full of pub grub they kept going to Brundall and headed home when they realised they were losing the light.

There, that was quite a professional report wasn't it ? No it isn't - the bastard didn't bring me any fish home. He will pay for that, not now, not tomorrow but it will happen.

I may have mentioned the old git had been working for 4 weeks at Sheringham, in previous posts. Anyway he came back home shattered and was like a bear with a sore ear for two days until he'd caught up on his sleep - bless him.

He's now complaining about all the outstanding jobs he's got and something called christmas shopping. I understand this usually puts him in a right old grump every year.

Well he put them all on one side and buggered off at lunch time, leaving Lexie and me with some scanky food in our bowls, so preoccupied was he with getting to the beach. He'll pay for that don't worry - these claws are sharp and his ass is soft and flabby, get the idea?

He got to Hopton about 12 and the high tide was due to arrive at 2 and the fish should have arrived just after this high tide.

I knew it was going to be a bad session when I noticed he'd left his lucky towel behind and his gloves. So at the least he was going to come back with dirty hands.

You should have seen him when he got back. A bad dose of hat hair , no fish for my bowel and an upset stomach which has kept him on his litter tray for the last 15 minutes. Two small whiting and a dab was the result of 6 hours standing on the beach - what a loser.